Source: http://www.charlesglassmanmd.com

My then-boyfriend returned home for an R&R from Iraq. He was only given 15 days, so he wanted his vacation to be as memorable as possible for both of us. A few days before he flies back to Iraq, he was invited to a mini-high school reunion. He thought the idea was thrilling, so he agreed to meet them. It goes without saying that I will be his date.

The get-together was held within their school premises. Incidentally, their school head is a distant relative of my father, hence the familiarity. We were casually late. It was intentional; my then-boyfriend’s brilliant idea.

It was no fancy reunion, but I made an extra effort to look good. I put make-up, wore one of my best tunic dress over a pair of leggings, and my favorite gold thong flats to complete the ensemble. Talk about getting dressed to impress. My date, on the other hand, settled for a blue-striped yellow collared shirt and denims.

There were already a few people when we arrived. Most of them were familiar faces—my former high school classmates. After a couple of hi’s and hello’s, we made our way inside the room. There were a generous amount of food and drinks on the long table situated at the center of the room. They even had a karaoke TV set up to fulfill the typical Filipino high school reunion.

I sat at a nearby arm chair, one that fits a sixth-grader, and observed around me. Only then did I realize that someone else was drawing the entire room’s attention to her. Apparently, my date used to go to the same school this certain local celebrity went to. Damn, she’s pretty in person. No, she’s hot. She didn’t even look like she’s already given birth. There’s not much going on with her outfit; in fact, she only had a white tank top, a pair of what-looked-like yoga pants, and black Havaianas on. Oh, did I mention that she went there bare-faced? Just looking at her makes me feel so over-dressed and a hundred more different emotions.

Suddenly, I’m restless. So uncomfortable that I had to go out and take a breather. I called a friend, a colleague from work. I was in the middle of giving her a blow-by-blow account of what happened back there when my date came rushing to me. He was confused, annoyed, and worried at once. It took him a lot of nonsense pleading to make me come back inside. When I finally gave in, my mood changed altogether. I became even more uneasy and pissed for what-I-thought no apparent reason.

This state of mind went on for what-felt-like-forever until I told my date that I wanted to leave. He sure was having a grand time, catching up with his good ol’ pals, but I’m too consumed with this God-awful feeling. My then-boyfriend, though really bent out of shape, complied and took me home. I was crying on our way home, and it made matters worse.

When we got home, he was silent. You know the-calm-before-the-storm kind of silence. I knew I had some explaining to do on what happened back there, and by the looks of it, he won’t buy crap. Though reluctant, I tried to explain the best way I can. How does one rationalize jealousy anyway?

It took hours to sort things out with my then-boyfriend. Bottomline: there was nothing to be jealous about. Really. Apparently, I created a full-grown green-eyed monster in my head for something that’s not even worth it. Nothing went on between my guy and that local celebrity. They were not even from the same year level!

My then-boyfriend is now my fiancé and, soon, will be my husband. I can’t say I have overcome being skeptical about certain things, but at least now I try to assess or evaluate the situation first before caving in to jealousy itself. The skeletons in my closet, my so-called insecurities, are the culprit and the green-eyed monster feed on them. Women are a generally a work-in-progress. We don’t change for the better overnight. You know the cliché, it takes two to tango, hence relationships must be dealt by both parties like grown-ups would.

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point – that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative – self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it’s a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.

—Jennifer James

This post is a response to The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt on 23 May 2013.

Jealousy: Rage Maker (sansburydr.wordpress.com)
Overcoming Jealousy (everydayhealth.com)
Daily Prompt: The Green-eyed Monster (patcoyle53.wordpress.com)
Green-Eyed Monster: Nettles & Jealousy (khanasweb.com)
Jealousy, the Stage, and Marriage (do not mix) (storminabcup.wordpress.com)
Daily Prompt: Jealous Is Not A Word Here (layedbacklife.wordpress.com)
Jealousy In Relationships (loveashley.net)
Jealousy: Good, Bad or Just Ugly? (everythinggirlslove.com)
Jealousy or Inspiration (Daily Prompt: Green-Eyed Monster) (dancejustj.wordpress.com)
Rather a rose tint? (hopethehappyhugger.wordpress.com)

Progress

23 May 2013

Musings, Personal

Progress #1

Last week, I had my measurement taken for my wedding dress. Yes, that was my post about having an “eventful Thursday afternoon”. I took Mom with me to my designer’s shop because she decided to have her dress made by my designer, too. I must admit that I was a bit worried because Mom could be very cautious when it comes to first impressions.

Before having my measurement taken, my couturier sketched Mom a design that meets her restrictions and woes. She was quite surprised with what my designer envisioned her in, but I can tell she’s pretty excited just the same. We were the only clients at his shop that afternoon, hence we had time for some chit-chat over wedding-related stuff.

I’m glad that trip turned out really well. Oh, and did I mention that my first fitting is scheduled last week of June? Which brings me to my next progress update.

Progress #2

I have been working on losing weight since January 2011, and have shared this experience here last year.

It takes dedication and discipline to convince oneself to take exercising and proper diet seriously, and I’m grateful that I possess both traits because now I see [and appreciate] the fruits of my labor.

I began joining this photo-a-day challenge by Chantelle Ellem (@fatmumslim) on Instagram last April. I had fun doing it, so I joined the same challenge again this month. For yesterday’s post, the topic/theme was “Change”. I had nothing else in mind, thus I uploaded a photo collage of myself from 2009 until my recent picture in March instead:

I don’t get this much likes in my posts in Instagram, so the gesture made me flinch. Some even left comments that made my day. I’m not going to lie, but it felt good getting reassurance from friends. I’m no fitness expert, but knowing that I inspire other people to a healthier lifestyle is enough reason to keep going.

Progress #3

A few weeks ago, my Matron-of-Honor asked me how my wedding preparations are going. At the time, we have just booked our string quartet, and tried to work on our repertoire. When she mentioned something about the missalette, I panicked because I haven’t started working on it. She offered to do the layout and printing of our missalettes, and I graciously accepted. Since we’re bringing in a guest priest to officiate our wedding, our marriage rites will have a personal touch. One of Mom’s friend sent me liturgical readings to choose from, and insert them in the provided template as appropriate.

I finally went down on it two Mondays ago, had it checked with both Mom’s friend and Fr. Gerry, and was eventually given the green lights to have the missalette reproduced.

In a few days, our six-months-before-the-wedding countdown will commence. It hasn’t happened yet, but I’m already freaking out!

The Saga Begins

17 May 2013

Photoblog

1 Comment

Eventful Thursday afternoon. It finally happened.

Mommy-ger

17 May 2013

Food, Personal

2 Comments

Mother’s Day Lunch at Sambo Kojin, SM Southmall

Now this is the post I had planned on writing about last Monday since it was a holiday here in the Philippines. However, I got caught up with other things—the National and Local Elections and I had to finish working on our missalette for the wedding.

For this year’s Mother’s Day celebration, we had lunch at SamboKojin, along with my future parents-in-law. Since Miggy and I are nearing six-months-wedding-countdown, our topic over lunch is everything wedding-related. I can tell both families are excited about the much-anticipated event of the year.

It’s a shame, though, that I was not able to get Mom a personalized gift nor a simple birthday card this year. I don’t want to justify my reasons, but it’s pretty evident why. It’s sad that I failed to exert more effort into making Mom special on this day. I’ll make it up to her on Father’s Day, perhaps?

Mom is my official Mommy-ger. She’s a hands-on mother (and wife) to her family. I admire her for she did (and continues to do) great with her role. I look up to her so much that I want to be as amazing of a wife and mother to my future husband and children as she already is.

Soon, I will be opening another chapter of my life as a married woman, and I wish that I make her proud for I will be a reflection of her love and dedication to her family. If I can’t be like her, I will, at least, try to become the best person that she ever hoped and prayed for.

No words can express nor define how much we are grateful for you, Mom. We are truly blessed to have you as our mother. I love you, Mom. Always and forever.

P.S. Please excuse Mom’s muffin top. She just finished a plate full of grilled goodness, plus she had all three of us, remember? Don’t judge her. She’s working on getting back in shape for my wedding. :)

Awareness

16 May 2013

Musings, Personal

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Nanay's 74th Birthday Celebration, Aristocrat I know I have yet to post what we did on Mother’s Day, but a relevant news involving Angelina Jolie reminded me of my grandmother’s before-death battle.

My mother’s parents had been living in the US with her eldest sister for a long time when they decided to finally come home to the Philippines in October 2006. The news came as shock to everyone especially when they seem to have made up their mind before breaking it out to their children. A month or two later, we were surprised to know that my grandmother had checked herself in at St. Luke’s Medical Center to undergo a major operation: a mastectomy, removing her right breast.

Another month later, my grandmother was brought to the hospital due to complications from her operation. It turned out, she had breast cancer, and that the cancer cells have metastasized throughout her body. Everything happened so fast that no one really realized that my grandmother suffered a mild stroke in her sleep, thus resulting to slurred speech. It was devastating most especially to my mother, who was the immediate family member to attend to her needs (apart from my grandfather). My grandmother was in and out of the hospital until all seven children decided to take her home.

With the assistance of my mother’s brother, they turned my grandparents’ living room into a bedroom, fully accessible to other parts of the house (i.e., bathroom, kitchen, dining area). My grandmother was obese, so they had to take her bed down in replacement of the living room couch. Though very costly, the children decided to employ two caregivers to attend to her needs.

My grandmother’s battle with breast cancer lasted for about nine months despite her doctors’ initial assumption of only three to four months. It was heartbreaking to see my grandmother suffer with her illness. There were days when she would wail for hours, perhaps because of unbearable pain. She was restless, hardly even had a decent sleep. Likewise, it was difficult to see Mom endure the pain of seeing what her own mother’s going through. My mother was there every minute of every day.

Source: http://www.telegraph.co.uk

I relive this memory as I read through Angelina Jolie’s decision to undergo a preventive double mastectomy earlier this week. According to news, her decision was influenced by the cause of her mother’s death in 2007. Marcheline Bertrand died of ovarian cancer at the age of 56, and after learning that Angelina carries a mutation of the BRCA1 gene, which sharply increases her risk of developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer, she made a decision for herself and her family. Angelina claimed that her chances of developing breast cancer have dropped from 87% to under 5%.

Source: http://www.breastreconstructionnetwork.com

Not so long ago, Giuliana Rancic, a host (E! News/Fashion Police), a reality TV star (Giuliana & Bill), and a breast cancer survivor, also underwent a double mastectomy in 2011. Giuliana and her husband, Bill, had been trying to conceive a baby when she learned that she had breast cancer. I watched a few episodes of Giuliana & Bill at the time, and I could tell that it had been a very difficult situation for them and their families.

These two ladies have used their public figures as a platform to bring awareness to women, especially those who may be walking in the same shoes as theirs. I personally liked the following parting words from Angelina Jolie herself:

“For any woman reading this, I hope it helps you to know you have options,” Jolie wrote. “I want to encourage every woman, especially if you have a family history of breast or ovarian cancer, to seek out the information and medical experts who can help you through this aspect of your life, and to make your own informed choices.”

But for Jolie, the decision ultimately came down to her kids.

“I can tell my children that they don’t need to fear they will lose me to breast cancer,” she said.

This news may have rattled everyone else who has heard about it, but I truly admire her courage to do something that could greatly affect her and her family in various ways. You are phenomenal, Angelina Jolie. You truly are beautiful inside and out. God bless you and your family, Angie. May you continue to inspire people through your peacefulness as well as your battles.

Give Me A Break

15 May 2013

Food, Personal, Travel

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Have you ever wanted to take a breather, get out of the city, but you decide against it, thinking it could be costly? For someone who works most days of the year, I think I deserve a break at least for a day. Since summer season kicked off here in the Philippines, my Twitter and Instagram timelines have been plagued with photos from my friends’ beach getaway. I’m not going to lie, but those photos make me envious.

Source: http://www.splashandrelax.co.uk

My family hasn’t seen the clear waters and fine sand of the beach in three years, and this year was no exception. The prickly heat would have made more sense if we were lounging by the sea. Oftentimes, my brothers and I coax each other into buying an inflatable kiddie pool just so we could at least take advantage of the extreme hot weather. For your information, the weather in the Philippines is damp, hence making it more unbearable in most days.

Two weekends ago, Dad finally took us to Nuvali in Sta. Rosa, Calamba, Laguna. It’s only a few kilometers away from the city, but it’s far enough to enjoy the beauty of nature and its scenery. We arrived there just in time for lunch. I was really up for some sushi and sashimi, but I was outnumbered by my family, so we ended up at David’s Tea House, a Chinese restaurant.

Nuvali, Sta. Rosa, Laguna

Lunch at David's Tea House & Hot Pot, Nuvali

After lunch, we stayed by the fish pond and fed the koi fishes. We used to do have an aquarium at home with a few gold fishes, and feeding a lot more fishes was actually fun! We, then, took a stroll towards Solenad 1&2 to check the retail shops and other establishments out. Before we return to where we were first stayed, we made a quick trip at Serenitea for a milk tea fix. Incidentally, Dad’s former colleague lives nearby, so we were invited to come over to their house for a little get-together. He even took us to see Republ1c Wake Park, a place suitable for sporty people like myself! Who would have thought that a wake park could be accessible here? I mean, you need not go to Camarines Sur to get the wake boarding experience. In fact, we might try it out when Miggy comes home again this year.

Family at Nuvali

Nuvali

Republ1c Wake Park, Nuvali

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Most people think that the best places to go during the summer are somewhere a boat- or plane-ride away from the city, but really, all you have to do is drive further down South to get the break that you deserve. That trip to Nuvali wasn’t our typical summer getaway, but we sure enjoyed a day spent with family and friends. Another one for the books!